Is it Anxiety, or Big Worries?
By Shaun Ditty, LPC
Is it just worry—or something more? Learn how to spot the signs of anxiety in kids and teens, and when it might be time to seek help.
Imagine your eight-year-old quietly sitting at the kitchen table, picking at dinner—very unusual behavior for your typically vibrant child. When gently prompted, they confess a fear about forgetting how to do math at school tomorrow. At first, you might lightly reassure them, thinking it's a reaction to a tough homework night. But when they admit they've been losing sleep over this worry for days, you realize this might be more than just passing nerves.
Every parent encounters moments like these. Kids worry. It's natural—whether it's monsters under the bed at age five, fitting in with friends at eleven, or navigating academic pressures as teenagers. But how do you distinguish between normal developmental worry and something more serious like clinical anxiety? And when should you consider seeking help?
In early childhood, worries often revolve around separation from caregivers or new experiences. For example, your five-year-old might hide behind your legs every morning before preschool drop-off, only to happily engage once class begins. These worries, though intense in the moment, typically ease quickly and don’t interfere significantly with daily routines.
As kids become tweens, the content of worries often shifts toward social dynamics. An eleven-year-old might worry excessively about being invited to birthday parties or being accepted by peers. Short-term reassurance and a listening ear usually do the trick, allowing them to continue participating fully in friendships and school life.
Teenagers, meanwhile, often wrestle with concerns about performance and identity. Your high school sophomore may stress about grades or making the sports team. These worries can push teens to excel or try harder, but they're generally manageable and motivate rather than hinder.
But what about when worries start to take over? Signs that your child's worry might be tipping toward anxiety include ongoing physical symptoms—like stomachaches or headaches without medical causes, persistent sleep disruptions, and noticeable shifts in behavior, such as withdrawing from previously enjoyed activities.
Imagine a nine-year-old who suddenly refuses to go to school, convinced they'll "get lost," despite having confidently navigated the same halls for years. Unlike typical first-day jitters, this child's anxiety causes persistent distress and avoidance, significantly impacting daily life and routine. This isn't just worry anymore; it could be a sign of clinical anxiety.
Parents often ask, "What can I do when my child is stuck in this anxiety loop?" One crucial step is to validate first and fix second. Your child needs to feel genuinely heard and understood before they're ready to work through solutions. If kids don’t feel understood first, even the best advice can fall flat. By taking the time to truly listen to your child's fears without immediately jumping to reassure, you help reduce their sense of isolation, making it easier to eventually discuss practical strategies for managing worries.
Quick Guide to Understanding Worry by Age Range:
Ages 3-6:
Common Worries: Separation anxiety, fear of the dark, imaginary monsters.
Red Flags: Refusal to separate after prolonged period, persistent nightmares, intense and prolonged tantrums about new situations.
Ages 7-12:
Common Worries: Academic performance, friendships, peer acceptance.
Red Flags: Persistent avoidance of school or social situations, frequent physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches), changes in appetite or sleep.
Ages 13-18:
Common Worries: Grades, social acceptance, identity, future plans.
Red Flags: Withdrawal from friends and activities, noticeable drop in academic performance, ongoing irritability or sadness, significant changes in eating or sleeping habits.
Signs of anxiety include frequent and unexplained physical complaints, persistent changes in sleep patterns, avoidance behaviors, and excessive reassurance-seeking. Symptoms often manifest at home and school, affecting both academic performance and social interactions.
Trust your gut. You know your child best. If something seems off or worries persist despite your supportive efforts, don't wait to seek help. Professional support can make a substantial difference in teaching your child effective coping skills and strategies for managing anxiety.
Reaching out early often makes all the difference. You're not only helping your child manage anxiety today but equipping them with lifelong tools for emotional resilience and strength. Remember, worry isn't a bad word—it's part of life. What's most important is knowing how and when to respond. If your gut tells you something's off, lean into that intuition and connect with support. It's one of the bravest, most caring steps a parent can take.
At COPBH, we're here to help. If this sounds like something you and your family are dealing with, please reach out. Our team is ready to support you and your child every step of the way.
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